Comments on Mature Landscaping: Farewell To Mr. Toad

Lovely, thoughtful post. A whole novel, really, in...

2010-02-18T13:58:15.896-05:00

Lovely, thoughtful post. A whole novel, really, in one post.

As always, a thoughtful and thought-provoking post...

2010-02-17T23:15:50.493-05:00

As always, a thoughtful and thought-provoking post. Flux indeed.

I admit that I have mapped out my mom's final steps. Her Alzheimer's and my dad's death more than thirty years ago pretty much leaves it to my brothers and me.

My own death has been considered as well, but that's best left for another time. Ironically, I'm likely changing weekend travel plans to take in a full blown funeral for a colleague, who passed this morning, but plans are still up in the air.

A toast to your late friend and neighbor.

I was sad to hear about the neighbor. I had spoken...

2010-02-15T14:18:25.421-05:00

I was sad to hear about the neighbor. I had spoken to him a few times myself. He was very thrilled that Marc finally got a woman. :) As for your funeral we will do anything you like...but since I have decided that you will live forever, no need in discussing it right now. Dad's funeral was surreal and thankfully the shock of how quickly it happened allowed me to make the decisions that seem so hard at that time.

I am of two minds. Before her death, my mother as...

2010-02-15T13:39:00.261-05:00

I am of two minds. Before her death, my mother asked that her casket be kept closed before she was buried. Her sister--and others--persuaded me to go against her wishes. The reason? All her friends needed to see her--that is, her remains--because that's what members of her generation expected. I was reluctant, but since funerals have nothing to do with the dead, only with those still alive, I adhered to the prevailing social conventions.

As for cremation vs burial, there again I am of two minds. I want to be socially conscious, and I suppose that argues in favor of burning. At the same time, I balk at and feel the emptiness you describe in taking this path. Maybe ritual and "doing the right thing" should take precedence. Otherwise, we're in Brave New World, where the dead are recycled into their constituent chemicals, or Soylent Green, where the dead are processed into food pellets. Nothing appealing about either approach.
You might enjoy taking a break from such serious issues by visiting http://drinksbeforedinner.com
Barry Knister

In my area of the South, in spite of the cosmopoli...

2010-02-14T23:29:58.598-05:00

In my area of the South, in spite of the cosmopolitan leanings of the Raleigh-Durham area, funerals are still the standard. There is a crematorium near Chapel Hill but I don't personally know anyone who has used its services. Funerals are still a big deal. When my mother died in September 2008, the service was at the local Catholic Church. My parents converted to Catholicism when I was five. I and my two siblings were baptized and I was a practicing Catholic until I hit my 20s. Now I like to attend midnight mass at Christmas because I like the ritual and the music.

I wrote the obituary for my mother and selected the music for the mass. My father was in no shape to make decisions. I found comfort in the planning. I needed something to do.

You've done more than "right" by you...

2010-02-13T20:54:50.315-05:00

You've done more than "right" by your parents, my love. Acknowledging the need and value of the communications that takes place at the service, no matter what form, helps heal the wound of loss.

"Doing it right" for your parents is sho...

2010-02-13T11:23:04.158-05:00

"Doing it right" for your parents is showing them that you've learned the lessons they taught and that you'll be fine without them... because you "know what to do."

Writing my Dad's eulogy made me cry and laugh and review and reflect and I know he'd have enjoyed hearing it.... and I choose to believe that he really was listening.

Mr. Toad was lucky to have you as neighbors.... as were you to have him.
Rest in Peace, wherever you are, Mr. T.
a/b

I know what you mean. I remember my Grabdparents&...

2010-02-12T21:04:29.081-05:00

I know what you mean. I remember my Grabdparents' funerals with all the Roman Catholic frufferies.

Mum's gone the other way. She wants no burial, no funeral. Donate her body to science and throw a party, get tipsy and laugh about all the wild things she'd done over the years.

I guess I'll have to make a funeral ceremony from Mum for myself. One as full of life, love, and laughter as Mum herself always is.

Hugs,
GwenGuin