I've spent the past four days down in the bowels of Blogger trying to wrassle the new threaded comments upgrade from the slimey clutches of an unseen gollum. When I wasn't cussin' my computer, I was wrasslin' the acrimonious alligators of arthritis as a low front surged through the area. And, in between, I've struggled to keep my head above a heaving sludge of nasty GOP primary ads and the slithering shame of sharing the state with the corroded souls in the audience at the FOX GOP debate in Myrtle Beach. It's been a filthy week in the Low Country.
Tonight, it gets even more squalid as Marianne Gingrich fingers Newt for the basest proposal a spouse can make: "Honey, it's okay with you if I keep both my mistress and my money, right? 'Cause that's what she would do in your place, which is why I like her better."
Jenny Sanford, wife of our last governor, was interviewed tonight by MSNBC's Chris Matthews, saying she smells what poor Marianne stepped in.
A new Politico poll has it that, here in SC, evangelical women are leaning toward Santorum and evangelical men are leaning newtward. As a Myrtle Beach marriage counselor, I coulda told 'em that.
The first question a guilty SC man always asks of the counselor his wife has drug his cheatin' butt off to--the question designed to put the counselor on notice that he has already been cleared by a higher power? What was the killer question the bad boys would always ask me in that quiet room? I swear to it; if I got asked this once in a first marital session, I got asked it fifty times, always with some fairly aggressive posture, shoulders forward, diaphragm down and vocal chords set to you're-in-deep-doo-doo-now tones: "Are you a Christian? I just wanna know."
Which guaranteed that the jerk had cheated, usually with both a woman and the IRS.
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| My Preciousssssssss. |
Which explains why I suddenly and for no obvious reason got the itch last night to watch "The Fellowship of The Rings." Ring Wraiths, Orcs, and slime galore. Tonight, I'll watch the sequel: The SC CNN Debate.
Oh Nance, I love you.
ReplyDeleteYou wrassle them creatures down into the slime, you hear me, and step on them hard and never let them get another breath of clean, pure air.
What is it with some women and (some? many?) American voters that they can't tell the difference between a pickled herring mouldering in a jar and a rainbow flecked salmon swimming upstream?
Danged if I know, Friko! But I'll probably have that herring/salmon visual staying with me for a while. You little wordsmith, you.
DeleteWell, looky there -- a comment THREAD!
Delete(More later; just wanted to congratulate you on an at least partially successful wrasslin' match.)
Sordid. Indeed it is. That's so funny that they'd ask you if your were a Christian--the first tactic of defense when one is wrong in the south. If you can prove they're not Christian, then you've got them beat. For the life of me, I never could figure those men out but then I never hung around them for too long either. They just give me the creeps so bad.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I think there was usually a dual purpose to that question. First, Southerners tend to pull out their Christianity at the least hint of intimidation, kinda like four-year-old boys grab their numchucks before they hit the playground. Secondly, they'll have me know that God has forgiven them for whatever it is they don't intend to admit to, so who am I to support the little woman if she wants a divorce?
DeleteIf I know you were going to take that picture, I would have cleaned up a bit.
ReplyDeleteHah! Welcome, Critter.
DeleteSeriously? They really ask you that?? Not relevant, and nobody's business, I say (but then again, I am a good American who believes in the separation of church and state). Sigh.
ReplyDeleteYou bet your bippy, they asked me that! Sat right down on my office sofa, leaned forward, pinned me with "the look," and tried to put me in my place. More fun than shooting fish in a barrel.
DeleteWhat did you say to them??
DeleteXtreme, I said, very off-hand, "Naturally." Naturally. Works sorta like literary license.
DeleteOh my god, SCUMBUCKET he is!!!
ReplyDeleteLint licker!
Deletei always thought our two countries spoke the same language but this whole deal with your conservatives baffles me. bush spends like a drunken sailor and newt chases women like a drunken sailor. i thought conservative were fiscally responsible and cherished family values. sort of like celibate priests i guess.
ReplyDeletedream on!! that's pretty funny.....
DeleteOooh, good 'un, billy! Folks who live in glass houses are pitching stones right and left down here.
DeleteHilarious.
DeleteI've got nothing against open relationships or even open marriages, if that's what a couple truly wants. But if you've promised someone your undying fidelity to them and them alone, then it's pretty cheesy to take a mistress. It only becomes worse if you then go on, like Newt has, to hold yourself up as an expert on morals.
ReplyDeleteOpen marriage didn't work for George and Nena O'Neill, who wrote the book and who ultimately divorced. While I might be able to imagine a financial arrangement made legal by marriage--say, something along the lines of the arranged marriages of historical, monarchical Europe--I never saw it work, not in all the years since 1970 that I've worked with marriages. I've known women who were forced by circumstances into tolerating their spouse's infidelities, but that's hardly the same thing. And I've certainly never heard of a man tolerating that proposal from his wife.
DeleteWonder how it would go for Newt if Callista said, "Newton, dear, you know I love your genius, but your gut is such a turn-off and your ego isn't aging well. Bottom line: I'm hot and you're not. Let's stay married and have legitimate affairs, 'kay? We could set a trend in the White House for open marriage!" After all, according to Newt, Callista doesn't care what he does.
You've seen a lot more marriages than I have, Nance, and you might well be right -- but still, I wouldn't be surprised if open marriage didn't suite at least a few people. At least, I would be much more surprised if our huge, diverse species didn't include some members who preferred open marriage.
Deletey'know, if i had a TV, which I don't, you couldn't pay me enough to watch that GOP bunch debating down there. (Or maybe you could....but that would mean I'd be hightailing it to the S. of France with the proceeds.)
ReplyDeleteHoney, you are missing the best show in mud wrasslin'! Fortunately, it'll all be on youtube tomorrow, barring a black-out.
DeleteOh, Nance, I just love your comments about that question you encounter in marriage counseling! As a licensed marriage and family therapist myself (in the L.A. area before my retirement two years ago), I've heard the same question -- and always from a real scumbag. In the meantime, I find myself simply aghast at the current cast of characters in our political arena.
ReplyDeleteIt always seemed much too complicated to answer that I'm a Reformed Evangelical Druid with a bad TM addiction. So, how'd you handle that question?
Delete"Are you a Christian?" Disgusting and inappropriate. Then again, I've heard so-called Christians defend their repugnant behavior by saying that God has forgiven them, or that since everyone is a sinner no one has the right to judge them. Funny how they imagine the Guy Upstairs defending their bad behavior.
ReplyDeleteI watched some of the South Carolina debate tonight, and Santorum, Gingrich, and Romney were pretty catty. As the three squabbled among themselves and treated Paul like a piece of furniture, I felt like I was watching three members of the Good Ol' Boys club.
How do we know God has forgiven Newt?
DeleteYou know, we have eleven months of this shit yet to go - if the media continues to play this daily, as they clearly seem want to do, I think that most people will be so bored with the election coverage by November they will have forgotten to care - you know, just like they have with the men and woman still dying in Afghanistan and Iraq.
ReplyDeleteOh, I don't know. They showed me some depths in tonight's debate that I'd never have imagined. I'm thinking this game of Limbo ain't over yet. How low can they go?
DeleteA timely reminder that the bread and circuses at home are a distraction from the really important work our troops and our POTUS have to do.
I'm interested in Rick Perry's endorsement of Newt. I think he wants to take debating lessons and try again in 4 years, and he thinks Newt can't win because of his lurid personal life. I guess he thinks he can beat Hilary!
ReplyDeleteOh, gosh, I hadn't thought of that. The endorsement comments were a classic case of "damning with faint praise":
Delete"...he's not perfect."??
"...there is forgiveness for those who seek God and I believe in the power of redemption, for it is a central tenet of my own Christian faith." (I'm supposed to believe that God transformed Newt from a Bad Angel to a Good Angel, all evidence to the contrary.)
Again, how do we know God forgave Newt? This is the stuff that happens when your campaign platform is the slippery slope of religious piety and self-righteousness.
For a change I watched all of the CNN debate tonight, which for me is quite the accomplishment since I think so little of the four men on stage that I would not pee on any of them if they were on fire.
ReplyDeleteI've tried my best to come to some conclusion why any of them could come this close to the White House and all I can think of is that they are just symptoms of a hopelessly corrupt and banal soceity that in some unconscious way knows its privileged status is ending.
To me the situation is sort of like a huge, mortally wounded brachiosaurus that can see the pack of velociraptors feeding on its hindquarters. In some way it knows it is in trouble but the pain has not yet reached its small brain.
Oh, Bum, you are so wonderfully eloquent when you're pissed! This is perfect: "symptoms of a hopelessly corrupt and banal soceity that in some unconscious way knows its privileged status is ending." Last gasp of Rome, etc.
ReplyDeleteIt fits the model of change I learned and taught. When big change is in the works (personally or culturally), the bigger the change, the bigger the flail to try to force a reversal of that change will be. This is a heck of a failing flail, ain't it?
I can't believe that anyone would put up with Newt's tricks.
ReplyDeleteHe's got to be the least appealing man I've ever seen in my life. I have nightmares about Newt and Callista.
DeleteFrom up above the 49th parallel it's tempting to look down on what passes for electioneering in the USA, but if nothing else, we Canucks are quick learners and are fast adopting the habits of our big neighbour.
ReplyDeleteBut what I really want to know is, with so many reasonable people around like you (and all your commenters - Friko excluded just because I know she hides out in the back of British beyond) around who are disgusted by the peep show that is the Presidential race, how can it be that you're outnumbered? It's just not the way things should be . In fact, the voters with a brain and some discernment should get have two votes for every one of the guys who asked you if you were a Christian. Would that even things up?
The favorite question Mr. Mature and I are asked here...still, after twenty years in captivity--er, residence--is, "You're not from around here, are you?" Neither are most of the people who live in my county. And I don't get it, either, that we are so outnumbered locally, but I'm dying to sell my house. It's lovely. Please send my way any of your countrymen who are sick of the northern weather.
DeleteHere's my sales pitch: SC is a beautiful state with a lovely climate. We are perfectionists who live ten minutes from our garage to the sand of one of the finest beaches in the world...ten minutes tops if we get caught at both stop lights. We are in desperate need here of people with intelligence and compassion. All reasonable offers considered.
Watched the debate and the pale and paunchy salamander's outraged, self-righteous, and hypocritical retort to the first question. Because, you know, a guy who waxes all sanctimonious about the "sacred sacrament of marriage" shouldn't be questioned about his prolific pooping on said sacrament. What a ridiculous circus!
ReplyDeleteYour state is almost as red and dumbshit as mine is, Nance. I refuse to lose all my faith in all of humanity. It gives me hope and a warm fuzzy feeling knowing there is a bright spot round-abouts your house.
Surely we're redder. And our poop's gotta be dumber. How shall we construct this experiment? You and me, kiddo.
DeleteLet's not forget that Newt was kicked out of his House speakership because of ethic violations and then quit a la the queen of the north --Palin.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your post today. I dislike Newt almost as much as Marianne dislikes him. I went to work for the House as a flunky statistician the year Newt arrived (worked for a moderate Republican from the Chicago area). I saw what he did to civilty, comity, and cooperation. My boss retired as did many other moderate Republicans. Things have never been the same. Slimeball is too good for him.
ReplyDeleteTestify, Sister, testify.
DeleteHaha! Did you feel the need to take a shower after the debate? I sure did.
ReplyDeleteWhat I loved was how Newt got all mad at the media, sputtering in righteous indignation that they would even DARE to ask him such a question! Suddenly HE'S the victim of a liberal media who is out to protect Barack Obama by attacking conservatives. Hoooo boy, that was a hilarious AND disgusting display!
Beth, I didn't take a shower, but I WAS a little scared to get on 17 Bypass today with my Obama 2012 sticker on my trunk. These folks are both mean and energetic.
DeleteRick Perry endorsed Newt by saying that nobody's perfect and that the central tenets of his Christian faith are forgiveness and redemption.
ReplyDeletePerry's wife, Anita, was standing by his side at the time and I could just see the wheels turning in her head---"Just try it with me, sucker!" I bet she'd shoot him deader than that coyote on the jogging trail.
I loved that endorsement. Only time I ever really liked Perry.
DeleteLOL I saw the title and thought, "OMG!!! It's the SC primary!!! My only interest in it is seeing how Colbert fared. LOL
ReplyDeleteKay, we're trying to decide between voting for Cain/Colbert (a vote against Citizen's United) and the real anti-Newt and anti-Mitt choice. The lesser of two weevils ;)
DeleteAww, Nance. When I was caught in Charlotte a few years ago for 6 hours waiting out a blizzard, everyone I talked to was flying North for the holidays and complaining. No good ethnic food, and God help everyone, no good Italian. I cannot conceive of such a living arrangement no matter how good the weather.
ReplyDeleteIf only we'd known twenty-one years ago, Meg. The good news is, the yanks brought authentic Italian down with them; there's a Mom and Pop, no-foolin', accent-and-plastic-grape-cluster Italian restaurant in every other strip mall. Come on down.
DeleteLooks like you struck a nerve Nance. A vote for Cain is a vote for Colbert! Destiny is in your hands!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm giving that some serious thought, Mr. C. But, as much as I despise Citizens United, I want to choose the Anti-Mitt/Anti-Newt candidate that'll be easy pickings for The Apollo Songbird. Who would you suggest?
DeleteWhat's a threaded comment?
ReplyDeleteIt's like this, where I get to reply to your question directly beneath it, rather than down the line somewhere behind some one else's comment. If you'd like to have them, all you have to do is switch your Blogger Comments setting from Pop-up or Full-Page to Embedded. And then try for three or four days to figure out why it doesn't work.
DeleteWell, I am very glad indeed that you dropped by PD, for it enabled me to find you. Tragically witty post, no wonder you opted for Fellowship of the Rings.
ReplyDelete"Tragically witty." Oh, that suits me to a tee, that does.
DeleteNewt is a past master at blaming the victim. He is also very good at using the old method of 'the best defense is a a good offense'. What really galls me are the idiots that gave him a standing ovation for his blatant hypocrisy.
ReplyDeleteIt should be the very definition of evil, I believe, to be masterful at deliberately blaming the victim. And evil to egg evil on. Did you ever read Scott Peck's People of The Lie?
DeletePeople of the Lie freaked me right out. Luckily, I'd already read The Road Less Traveled (which I think came AFTER PotL?), so I knew not to label Peck as a sensationalist. But it was one disturbing book.
ReplyDeleteI'm kind of hoping the results from SC are ambiguous, so that we'll get some good political theater down here in FL too.
In general, I'm just relieved to watch the GOP lacerate one another for a change; it's been such a "privilege" of Dem registration in recent years. The only worrisome thing is that they've got a history of locking arms and marching in unison; any one of 'em hasn't got a chance against the Prez, I think, but when it all comes down to a single nominee, well... A juggernaut of stupids is still a juggernaut, no?
It was a scary book and not for the wobbly of mind.
DeleteWe just got back from the polls, where I nearly gave the polling registrar a stroke when she had to list me in writing as a Democrat. My friend Infidel 753 described my options this way: "a plastic financial vampire, a megalomaniac Elmer Gantry bullfrog with a short fuse, Christine O'Donnell in drag, and that doddering old Jim Crow relic." As if mine was the only vote that stood between the world an Gingrich or Romney, I held my nose and voted for Christine O'Donnell in drag; man says he's provides a clear choice for the voters in November and the very thought tickles me senseless.
Here's Wanda Sikes' hilarious take on the candidates.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.shewired.com/box-office/2012/01/20/wanda-sykes-talks-republican-candidates-tiny-penises-and-obsession-gays-video
And here's a great quote Infidel links to on his post today.
I snorted loudly all the way through this.
"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it." VOLTAIRE
Don't know why the quote dropped down below my tribute to your piece.
DeleteThreaded commenting takes some getting used to.
DeleteAnd, my enemies have never looked better! Also, love Wanda.
Can anyone explain to me how Newt gets his women? How did he find three wives and Lord-knows how many mistresses? He's not particularly charming or handsome; he always struck me as a very unpleasant man. It can't just be the promise of baubles from Tiffany's.
ReplyDeleteHow did Newt get his women? Easy. Money and power.
ReplyDeleteReading this morning's news, my first thoughts went to you, Nance. And I'm looking at Newt's victory this way - better he wins the Republican nomination instead of Mitt since surely, SURELY the American voter will be shocked into sensibility by the prospect of him and his perfectly-coiffed concubine moving into the White House and cast her vote for Obama, even if she didn't the first time around. Don't you think?
ReplyDeleteJust saw the tag on this post and guffawed.
It's our only hope, m'dear.
DeleteHey, you got the threaded comments to work! Congratulations. I finally figured it out myself (crossing my fingers as I hit the save button).
ReplyDeleteI don't ordinarily like the circus, but the GOP? Very amusing stuff. I'd say Obama is a shoe-in. ;)
You're seriously a marriage counselor in South Carolina? Wow. Now that's a novel.
ReplyDeleteKinda fun to see Mitt get such a thorough ass-kicking, even it was by the great goblin Gingrich. Nobody could make this stuff up.
Yes'm, I was until 2008, when we both retired and planned to move to S. California, travel, etc. Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, Wall Street, and the Bush/Cheney war machine imposed their own template over those plans, so now I harass the blogosphere.
Delete"Nobody could make this stuff up." True dat. Except that somebody is making this stuff up. The candidates and their advisers are making it ALL up.
I have been fighting my own losing battle to get what I want. The threaded comment thing just magically appeared. I would have been helpless otherwise.
ReplyDeleteI won't even try to imagine saying what Newtie said to my wife. In fact, how could I say it with a straight face?