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| Click to hear Marjorie sing The Trash Heap Blues. Alternate lyrics available on request. |
South Carolina is a Cut-Off-Your-Nose-To-Spite-Your-Face state. Newt Gingrich is the Paula Deen of GOP politicians. Brilliant match.
Here in Horry County, So'Calinah, the vote went overwhelmingly for Gingrich, the GOP Brunch Burger...right here where police cars still display the emblem proclaiming it The Independent Republic of Horry (Aw-REE, French pronunciation to designate classy sophistication) because seceding from the Union wasn't enough; we would secede from the world, ya'll, and screw ya. If the ballot had been a menu, Horry citizens would have ordered the Donut Brunch Burger with a side of cheese fries, a dipping cup of Ranch and the Big Gulp Mt. Dew. We wallow in our cholesterol down here. We will fight you for the right to be led by a lying, cheating, mean-spirited, lint licking, narcissistic cockfighter who'll put our poor 13 year-olds to work cleaning their classmates' crap off the toilets in their own middle schools because it's good for their characters, by God. We love it that the Old Guard of the GOP hates us. And we love it that you do, too. Nyeh.
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| The Paula Deen Do-nut Brunch Burger. |
Remember that bumper sticker I was so proud to put on my car in December? On Monday morning, I've got to pull out of my neighborhood directly into a stream of speeding, mud-bogged Dodge Rams with rifle racks and creeping '97 Cadillac El Dorados with Bush/Cheney on their bumpers. Driving this.
If I turn up missing from your email and blog feeds, please be worried. If I post as usual, I promise to resume my little Textile Drive stories.
Keep the windows up and the doors locked and keep out of the way of those pickups.... we need you here to laugh at the absurdity of it all.
ReplyDeleteAt least S'Ca'linah doesn't have a state gun!
a/b
We have no state gun...YET. I believe we do have a State Roadkill, though.
DeleteAmazing how much that Paula Deen concoction looks just like Newt. Two greasy brothers of a different hypocritical mother. All empty calories.
ReplyDeleteAnd Utah does have a state gun and Romney has already won the hearts of the sheep. The closed primary will be a mere formality.
Honey, don't you know Newt's arteries look like the NY sewer system?
DeleteI can't wait for your post on Utah's primary.
Woof. I guess folks like to think their President is as low-down, skunky, and racist as they are. No one likes to feel judged by their leadership. But, let's not talk about blow jobs, because that shit is immoral.
ReplyDeleteRoxanne
The Good Luck Duck
This place is crawling with strip parlors; we've got a lot we can teach the country about morality.
DeleteHaha! Nance, I loved this rant. All I can say is Deen better keep taking her pills. At this rate (Do-nut Brunch Burger? Are you serious?), she won't be around much longer. And despite S.C.s Newt Endorsement, I doubt he'll be around much longer, too. (Or am I just denial?). ;)
ReplyDeleteNewt has a future with AAG selling "Reverse Mortgages" along with Fred Thompson.
DeleteYou need not apologize for SC--it's clearly not YOUR fault, and, after all, you are risking life and limb in service of the right and good with that bumper sticker (we feel the same here, in the reddest Congressional District in New York State). As for the Donut Brunch Burger, here's another for you: I worked in Georgia for a long time, and one of my colleagues really enjoyed her cantaloupe topped with cream gravy. Way to go, Alice (that was her name).
ReplyDeleteWhat IS it in the South with food? We take such pride in our self-destructive obstinacy. A cantaloupe with GRAVY?! I'm sick.
DeleteCareful there missy! Sounds like you're talking about my neighbors here.
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling sorry for us, Rubye. Sorry and pissed.
DeleteLOL!!!!
DeleteMy neighbors as well.
Ah, but we are happy there is You in SC!
ReplyDeleteWhat is that saying, we get the leaders we deserve?
Ouch!!!!!!
I've been good. I deserve another four years of Barack Obama. He deserves a Congress he can work with. We might get both if we'll work hard enough to deserve them.
DeleteI loved Harry Shearer's tweet stating that SC apparently wants a Prez who likes to "hike the Appalachian Trail." Wink, wink. I'm sure you recall Mark Sanford. How quickly we forget those who came before....
ReplyDeleteStay safe.
Oh, my, yes, do we remember Mark Sanford. Chris Matthews on MSNBC had his wife Jenny on shortly after Marianne Gingrich blew the open marriage whistle. Jenny sounds really sane and voices her sympathy with Mrs. Gingrich #2...until she starts praising Romney. Newt might have walked that trail from beginning to end, but you'd never know it to look at him, would you?
DeleteHere's an interesting piece by Charles P. Pierce (the author of the wonderful book "Idiot America") you might want to check out:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.esquire.com/blogs/politics/south-carolina-primary-results-6642563?tw_p=twt
i don't think i'd let my dog eat that do-nut burger.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing grosser than that gut bomb is Paula Deen, herownself.
DeleteIt never fails to amaze me that a people who wrap themselves so tightly in both the Gospel and the American flag have no real idea what either means. The high paid television political pundits can analyze Newty's win all they want but I know this state. Newt won because he dug up the nasty side to South Carolina's history and heritage and used it on Juan Williams.
ReplyDeleteThe Moronic Masses caught a whiff of Juan's blood in teh water and went into a feeding frenzy.
Not to change the subject but I hope Juan really enjoys the position Fox News hired him for. I'll say no more, I might insult someone.
You are never more eloquent than in your comments here, I think. And you have the Palmetto State's number as only a resident can. As for Juan Williams, he who sups with the devil should have a long spoon. Whatever the truth of that exchange, Williams has paid a high price for his career.
DeleteLooking at subsequent comments, just have to add this on the self-destruction front. I also have vivid recollections of Grandma and Grandpa on my mother's side (a huge southern family) tucking into deep-fried catfish and hushpuppies, blackstrap molasses, god knows what all. They lived to ages 94 and 91 respectively, and celebrated their 75th wedding anniversary before going to the "other side." Had I eaten what they ate, I would have been dead in a week. So maybe Alice had it right (for her), but it was shocking to see that cream gravy go on cantaloupe.
ReplyDeleteI'm married to one of those pickup driving Republicans. Since he had a heart attack, though, he doesn't snack on the fatty foods. Our votes cancel each other out. We had two children and they both vote Democratic. I figure that I've done my duty for the Democratic party!
ReplyDeleteI know that marital two-step and it's a tough one. George W. Bush cured Mr. Mature and he's really lucky to have converted when he did; this campaign season would have cost him big-time in alimony, otherwise ;-)
DeleteI think that venting is healthy. According to my Aunt Dorothy, people who read too many books and do a lot of thinking are in danger of their heads exploding. She frequently warned my mother that I would meet such an end. My guess is that venting is necessary to release all that pent up cranial pressure.
ReplyDeletePlease do remember that you are not responsible for the lunacy that masquerades as thought in South Carolina.
Love The Trash Heap Blues!
It's a pressure cooker in this skull, alright. I do all I can to keep it tamped down, but sometimes it just has to blow. I've watched you do the same and it's more fun than fireworks.
DeleteFunny thing about South Carolina, never met a person from there that I didn't like. Got stranded in Hampton with a broken car once. Folks at the bar all bought me a round to commiserate. A lovely state even if a leader in knee-jerk-regressivness.
ReplyDeleteThanks! Please buy my house.
Delete:: gasps ::
ReplyDeleteThe Trash Heap! Marjorie! From Fraggle Rock! You just gave me a delightful childhood flashback.
I had the best time searching out the video of The Trash Heap Blues and then Youtube wouldn't let me post it. Along the way, I enjoyed several Fraggle clips. We were hooked on it when the kids were little and I still have Doozer tunes and Sprocket scenes dancing in my head. It was an amazingly clever social commentary.
DeleteI know you said cockfighter, but I read it as cock**cker. Don't feel too bad. I live in Minnesota where Michelle Bachman apparently represents somebody or other. I can't for the life of me figure out who.
ReplyDeleteOn terminology: you noticed that, huh? I believe that's known as an intentional catachresis.
DeleteOn Michele: Everyone I've ever heard from who lives in Minnesota says exactly the same thing. She may be a true statistical oddity, the only publicly elected official no one ever voted for.
american politics are so complicated
ReplyDeleteNot really, love. We've gotcher Good Guys and yer Bad Guys and yer Stoopid People. A Good Guy is in charge and a bunch of Bad Guys can't stand it. The Stoopid People are the ones who can't tell the difference.
DeleteThat donut burger is truly scary. As for Gingrich's idea about having the students be janitors, years ago I did my student teaching at a high school in Midvale, UT where the students had to be janitors. It was a pig sty.
ReplyDeleteThat might be really useful information for the pigs in this SC sty. You can send this information directly in a letter to the editor of the Myrtle Beach newspaper, The Sun News, at this address: opinions@thesunnews.com. I could send it, but it might work better as a first person observation.
DeleteNow, wouldn't that be fun?
You joke about turning up missing; but serious, Nance, it's a little like "Deliverance" only in a Prius rather than a canoe. It worries me you being in that country.
ReplyDeleteThat's kind, Robert. I'm leaving a breadcrumb trail right here. I've also been finding other liberals in my immediate area and meeting with them regularly. One of the benefits of the recent newtron bomb in SC is that liberals are becoming more willing to speak out and be identified. There are more of us than I'd ever have guessed.
DeleteStill laughing at "lint licking", not that Newt is a laughing matter...
ReplyDeleteLet's make him one!
DeleteWon't be difficult!!!
DeleteBE afraid, be very afraid. Remember, Adolph Hitler was elected to office. Fortunately, he's not on the ballot in Virginia. Dianne
ReplyDeleteComplying fully with your instructions.
DeleteDo y'all know if it was Democrats who voted for Newt? Do they have stats on that? Lordy lordy. And to think if I'd had a little girl I would have named her Newt* (after the amphibian).
ReplyDelete*over Dave's dead body
I don't have hard numbers, but there's this on Dems who voted in the Rep Primary.
DeleteI wasn't aware that Dem Headquarters advised against crossover voting (what happened to my memo?!).
To spin a phrase borrowed from former Offense Secretary Donald ‘Snowflake’ Krumsfeld, “When you pander to the electorate as a two-faced liar, you go with the smarmy you have, not the swarmy you might want or wish to have at a later time.”
ReplyDeleteI entirely agree with what I imagine you said.
DeleteNance, you read my comments as I intended. The GOP slate is sorriest bunch of candidates in memory:
DeleteGingrich - the quintessential demagogue and verbal abuser with a gigantic character disorder;
Santorum - the quintessential moralizing Inquisition candidate who would criminalize the intimate lives of normal, healthy, mainstream citizens;
Romney - the quintessential corporatist parasite who has staked his reputation on insider trading, tax dodges, asset stripping, and bankrupting companies with investments that meet the definition of “legal” but are by no mean “ethical”;
Ron Paul - the quintessential eccentric and hypocrite whose pious words about “freedom” and “equality of opportunity” are contradicted by his actions and newsletters.
… each one of the above representing an aspect of America that is fundamentally WRONG.
Boom!
DeleteA friend of mine who is a strong Democrat told me on the night of the SC Republican primary that she had voted for Newt "Because he will be easier for President Obama to beat in November." I overheard someone at church saying the same thing on Sunday morning. As for my husband and me, we voted for Stephen Colbert for the United State of South Carolina. (to do this, we had to vote for Herman Caine) -- from Columbia, the capital of South Carolina which is "Too small to be a republic and too large to be an insane asylum." -- James Petigru, 1850.
ReplyDeleteA sympathetic So'Calinian. You are most welcomed here. I dropped rose petals on the path from my blog to yours and back.
DeleteI think Cain/Colbert got about 1% of the vote, which was just enough to be fun, but not enough, I fear, to be a statement. On the other hand, I haven't checked to see how Colbert spun it.
The Petigru is now my favorite quotation.
My now ex-husband used to joke that, for me, the 4 basic food groups were salt, grease ketchup and beer but by SC standards, I'm a rank amateur. Just looking at that concoction, made my veins clog and gal, will my doc be mad!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the great laugh!!!
Me, too. I slid right off my recliner, slippery as an eel, which is in the same food group as a newt, I believe.
DeleteDon't forget 'thuh buttah'...... :}
ReplyDeleteDarn! My comment keeps getting tossed out. I'm a persistent cuss, however.
ReplyDeleteI was at a Bi-Lo in South Carolina once (oh yes I was!) and the woman in the checkout lane where I was had a cart full of liver. Dozens of packages of frozen raw liver. I couldn't help staring. She shrugged and said it was for her husband. Sure.
Newt managed to throw plenty of raw meat to the mob mentality in the SC debate without even having to send Callista to the grocery store.
Last weekend I watched Season 1 of Downton Abbey. This week, I have caught up on Season 2 and knitted myself a shawl. I hope to get my Dearly Beloved into a butler's uniform by next week. Tea, my deah?
So S. Carolina is to the U.S. as Quebec is to Canada? :)
ReplyDeleteI now see where Newt is self-destructing as I knew he had to. It is in his genes.
ReplyDeleteI was saddened to see Huntsman fall to the wayside. It is not so much that I agreed with him, but I was looking forward to some intelligent debates with him and Obama. The cream definitely doesn't rise to the top in Republican circles.
I do love your rants -- and I figure you are safe down there. They gotta' be scared of yo!